Life Like a River
by muthawalker
Summary: AU to season 4. She's been exiled from everything she knows and everyone she loves. Carol finds herself finding a new group and a new lease on life. But what happens when the people she used to call her own find their way back into her life? Martinez is alive and well in this story. There is CARYL interaction but not a CARYL ending.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: Hello! It's me again, trying my hand at a new multi chapter story. This one was by request from Robin Hardy who wanted to see Carol relationship with someone other than Daryl. So my love for anything Martinez has brought this story out in me. This is a CAROL story. There will be Caryl angsty Carol interaction but will not be a Caryl happily ever after. I hope you give it a shot. I will stay true to the dynamic of Caryl and how I perceive Carol now on her own after being banished by the people she loves. If you take the time to read it, please let me know what you think!**

**XOXO Pamela**

**1. Cast Out**

Devastated didn't even begin to describe the feelings that overwhelmed her. She had stopped the rusty station wagon about a mile away from where she drove away from Rick, refusing to look in the rearview mirror. She had been afraid she would flip back around and throw herself at his feet, begging for forgiveness. She knew she could not do that, would not do that. It was over and done with. Her place in the group died the day Karen and David did.

She got out and checked the supplies he had given her. She had one full gas can, her knife roll, one revolver with a handful of bullets and a rifle. She had enough food and water to last her a week if she was careful. There were also some things left by Sam and Ana. Carol reflected sadly on the two souls that now were gone forever. Rick had thought her reactions to them to epitomize her new indifference to this world but she was deeply saddened by their deaths. She had thought they were a sweet couple and would have made a great addition to the group. Seeing Ana's severed leg on the ground made her shut down. She knew Rick would blame her. He'd been judging her since before they stepped into the car to go on the run. The knots in her stomach had not been from hunger.

She had known it was coming but it didn't make it any less difficult. She was just abandoned by a man she loved like family. Someone who looked at her in those last few moments like she was evil, something tainted he didn't want near his children. His children she loved and nurtured like her own. For Lori and for him. But he couldn't see past what she had done. What she had tried to do to save them all when all it did was cause her to lose everything and everyone she loved. The thought of Lizzie and Mika learning of her gone, disappeared into a puff of smoke with no goodbye. Would they resent her? She was supposed to care for them now. She promised their father and now those girls were on their own. Yes, they would have others in the group to look out for their well being. But who would love them? Who would continue to teach them to be strong, to fight, to survive? Everyone else was so wrapped up in their own issues she knew she had already failed the girls and it had only been one day.

Tears filled her eyes as she thought about what the others would think. Her original group. Who she considered her family. The family she killed for. Hershel, Carl, Judith, Beth, Maggie, Glenn and Daryl. Even his named flashing in her mind made her heart feel like it was being ripped out of her chest. How she had loved him for so long. But she knew his blind loyalty to the man he considered his brother would outweigh any caring he had for her. All those years, those months so close and yet so far from his heart. She hoped Rick would just tell them she died on the run. Let him mourn for what she was in his eyes, his best friend. She couldn't bear the thought of him living the rest of his life hating her. She couldn't. Carol knew if she was going to make it out there in this godforsaken world on her own, she would have to stop torturing herself with thoughts of those she left behind. She needed to do what Rick suggested, find a group and start over. She knew being alone was a death sentence.

She turned the car back on, the engine sputtering for just a fraction of a second, causing her blood pressure to rise and her pulse to race. She glanced quickly at the map and reminded herself of which course she was going to take. She was determined to stay away from towns and cities where there would be concentrations of undead. She remembered the Spreewell Bluff State Park she used to take Sophia on Girl Scout Jamborees. The idea of being in a place that held many happy memories of her baby girl gave Carol hope to get moving. There were cabins there the troop had stayed at with grills and outhouses. There was a well there along with a beautiful winding river that would be perfect for fishing and washing clothes. She could hunker down there and make a base camp while she scouted for other groups. Groups that could take her in and give her a new start, a new life. A life not filled with remorse, grief and a broken heart.

The drive to the state park usually would take less than two hours on a good day. A day where there were only fellow drivers headed for their vacation, their SUVs full of tents and coolers, bikes strapped to the rear. Now Carol had to contend with log jams of abandoned vehicles, some with their decaying occupants still nearby, wandering and searching for their next live meal. It took Carol nearly five hours to reach the outskirts of the park and dusk was rapidly approaching. She realized she would have to hunker down in the car for the night and start looking for the cabins in the morning.

The gate at the entrance to the state park was just secured with a chain that was easily accessible for Carol. She got out, unlatched the gate, drove the wagon through and re-latched the gate again. She drove slowly down the gravel road, taking a right in the fork of the road that led to where the cabins were located. The sun was rapidly setting and it was getting dark but she didn't want to turn on her headlights in case it attracted any nearby walkers. As she rounded a bend she had to slam on her brakes. Directly in her path was a large SUV with two men in front of it, guns drawn. Her throat constricted with fear and she put the car in park and raised her hands in surrender.

The younger of the two men approached the driver side door cautiously. "Don't touch anything and step out of the car. Keep your hands where I can see them, lady." She indicated with her head she was going to lower one hand to open the door. He nodded and she slowly opened the door and stepped out, hands still in the air. "Are you alone?" He asked.

"Yes. It's just me. I was looking for shelter here at the cabins. I'm on my own. But if your people are here, I can just turn around and go. I promise I'm not here to cause any trouble." Her voice cracked with fear and she could see her raised hands trembling. She couldn't stop the tears that fell. "Please… I'm sorry. I just want to go."

The man's stance softened and her started to lower his gun but both he and Carol jumped when the other man barked out, "Are you fucking serious, Pete? Don't even think about letting her come back with us. Let her take her old ass and vamoose."

"I don't think that's your decision to make, Mitch." The younger one answered a little defiantly, his eyes flashing with anger as he glanced back. "Don't you think Jefe might want a say in this. She's just a lady. She's all alone, man. I can't send her back out there, it's getting dark." He lowered his gun, stuffing it behind him in his waistband. He spoke to Carol. "Grab your stuff and give me the keys. Mitch, drive her car back to camp. She's gonna ride with me." His tone gave no room for any protest and no was given by the man named Mitch.

Mitch rolled his eyes as he headed towards Carol's car. "Man, baby bro, sometimes you are SUCH a pussy." He bumped Carol's shoulder not so gently as he slipped behind the wheel.

The younger man motioned for Carol to follow him to the SUV and she got in the passenger seat without a word. He hopped in and turned the car on, facing her as he held the gear shift. "I'm not promising anything but I don't think it's right to just throw you back out there in the dark. We're going to me our camp leader and he'll make a decision about tomorrow." He put the truck into gear and turned back onto the path, heading towards the main camp area. "My name's Pete, by the way. That loud mouthed asshole is my brother, Mitch. Our camp is safe. There's families there, women, children. We don't take in strangers because we've had problems with raiders before. You'd think at the end of the world people would be nicer to each other. Try to work together. I guess this world can bring out the worst in people sometimes." He fell silent.

"Thank you for helping me. I promise I'll honor whatever decision you make." She glanced at him and saw him watching her out of the corner of his eye. "My name's Carol."

He turned his face to her and the shy smile he had on his face reminded her so much of another quiet, kind man that she almost gasped aloud. She could almost imagine herself back in that prison cell, welcoming him back. She controlled the emotion and met his eyes. "It's real nice to meet you, Carol. I have a feeling that you just might be sticking around for a while."


	2. Like a River

**Author's Note: Thank you to everyone for taking a chance on my story. It's an unusual pairing and as a Caryl shipper, it has been a challenge. In my mind, Caryl are end game but my frustration for this season has made me vent my frustration out in writing out of the box.**

**I'd like to address the one guest reviewer. I appreciate you leaving a well thought out and polite review. However, I take umbrage on certain aspects of it. There is no doubt in my mind or most people's mind (MMB included) that Carol loves Daryl. Just because she didn't mention him as she was being banished doesn't mean she feels only flirty friendship. By the time she jiggled that locked door, she was in shut down mode. The words Rick used when he banished her were much like what a manipulative abuser would say to their victim. He knew what trigger words to use and he wielded them like a weapon. Daryl was not Carol's responsibility, those girls were her responsibility. That was the reason she spoke of them, because she had made a promise to their father. Rick used his law enforcement training to make sure he pushed all the victim buttons with her. If Carol and Daryl were just flirty friends, Rick would not have hesitated to tell Daryl and Daryl wouldn't have reacted the way he did. There's love between those two, no doubt in my mind.**

**Anyways, thanks so much for ALL the reviews! Please enjoy the next chapter and don't forget to critique me. It's my 17 year wedding anniversay today so I'm posting this before I get ready to go to the Melting Pot. YUMMY!**

**XOXO Pamela**

**2. Like a River**

It didn't take long to make it to the main area of the camp. When they pulled up to where the cabins were, Carol was astonished at what she saw. It was a community. It looked like most of the dozen or so cabins were occupied. There was laundry hanging on clotheslines and gardens in front of almost every one. She practically had her face pressed against the glass so she could take everything in.

"Pretty impressive, huh? We've been here about six months now. There's about twelve of us total. We stay here in the cabins because it's right up against the river here but there is an area for RVs and campers over closer to the forest. People must have been squatting here after the turn but when we showed up, everyone was dead or biters. We put them down and cleaned out the rigs. We use them for storage mostly." Pete pulled the SUV in front of a cabin closest to the river.

Carol stepped out and the sounds of the river filled her ears. It was quite shallow where they stood. Rocks could be seen jutting up and there were small pockets of rapids. "It's beautiful," she breathed to herself.

"Lady, why don't you stop goddamn sightseeing and follow me." Mitch was suddenly in her face and she flinched instinctively. He grasped her arm roughly.

Suddenly Pete was right there, his hand squeezing the arm that held her. "Mitch, let go of her. You really think she's going to hurt you? You're scaring the shit out of her."

Mitch sneered at her but released her from his grip anyway. "Whatever. You know C's not gonna like this. Don't get too attached, bro. She ain't gonna be here long." And with that he stomped off toward one of the larger cabins.

"Come on. We gotta talk to Jefe. Find out where you're gonna stay tonight. I don't want to give Mitch too much time with him. He doesn't take well to new people. He's an asshole, but he's my asshole brother." Pete headed towards the cabin Mitch stomped off towards with Carol by his side. She felt like she was having déjà vu with the two brothers. It was just like Merle and Daryl all over again. It was a cosmic joke and if she thought she could get away with laughing at the irony of it all, she would have busted a gut. She knew if she laughed Pete would think she was a crazy lunatic and kick her right out.

They reached the cabin and Pete knocked before opening the door. A muffled voice told him to enter so he opened the door for Carol to go in first. The cabin was just like she remembered. A small sitting room with a fabric covered couch along with a wooden coffee table was what she first saw. Off to the right was the small banquette next to the cozy kitchen. If she remembered correctly, this size cabin had two bedrooms, both identical.

A handsome Hispanic man was sitting on the table of the banquette, a cigarette dangling out of his mouth. Mitch was standing next to him, shooting daggers at her and his brother.

"So, you're the _diabla_ this yahoo has been bitching about. You don't look like you could hurt a fly, mama." He hopped off the table and put out the cigarette. Walking her way he held out his hand. "I'm Caesar. I'm the de facto leader of this merry group of misfits."

She took his hand. It was warm and calloused but his touch was gentle. She didn't know why but she wasn't nervous or afraid. "My name is Carol. I came here because I used to bring my daughter here for Girl Scouts. I was trying to find a safe place to stay." She slipped her hand out of his grasp.

"Mitch tells me you're alone. We don't see many loners now. Most people are at least with somebody else. What's your story?" She could tell he was a man that was good at reading people so she decided honesty was the best policy. She knew if she had any chance to stay she needed to be upfront.

Carol took a deep breath and steeled herself. "I was with a group. I've been with some of them since the beginning. More people were joining us all the time. There was an outbreak of some kind of horrible disease. It killed a couple of people within hours and they turned into walkers, killing others in our group." She desperately fought to maintain eye contact and stay strong. "There were two that we put into isolation. They were dying. I thought I could stop the disease from spreading, from infecting the kids. I killed them. Our leader found out and he took me out, gave me that wagon, supplies and told me to never come back. Said he couldn't trust me with his children. My dead best friend's children." With that, he carefully constructed walls crumbled down and a sob escaped.

The three men in front of her looked absolutely shocked. The only sound in the room was her muted sobs. Carol couldn't bring herself to look at them. She wiped her face and started to turn for the door. "I'm sorry. I'll just go. You have my word I won't come back here, I won't bother you." She almost made it to the door before she was stopped by Caesar.

"I appreciate your honesty. You don't see much of that anymore. There isn't much we haven't seen or done. I'm the last person that is going to cast stones." He looked at her earnestly, his deep brown eyes open, unjudging. "Welcome to our group, mama. There's an empty cabin two doors down from me. You just promise to be a productive member of our little society and I promise I won't throw you out like an unwanted dog. Can you shoot?" She nodded. "Any other talents?"

"Well, in my former life I was a domestic engineer so I can cook, clean, sew, wash and organize like nobody's business. I was teaching survival training to the kids back in my group. I thought it was important for the children to be able to protect themselves. We've lost too many not being prepared." She stopped herself before opening the old wound that was Sophia.

"No, you can't coddle the children from what's out there. I think you're going to make a fantastic addition here, Carol. Would you like me to walk you to your new place?" His smile was bright and genuine and for the first time in days, Carol didn't feel so burdened.

They walked out of the cabin, Pete and Mitch following them out the door. Pete called out to them, "I'll bring you some leftovers. Tomorrow morning we'll introduce you to the rest of the camp." The shy smile was back and Carol didn't know if she'd ever get used to the feeling she had when she saw it.

Carol and Caesar walked a small worn path through the grass right against the river bank. The cabin they were heading towards was one very close to the water itself. The rapids had tapered out to a flowing current at this location and a small dock jutted out into the water.

"This is one of my favorite spots for fishing." Caesar tilted his head, "And it's a great placed to work your demons out. I thought you would like it here." They stopped at the dock, both gazing out at the crystal water as it flowed past.

"It's more than I could ever have hoped for. I can't thank you enough for taking me in even after hearing my story." They were standing close together and she could feel the heat emanating from his body, warming her bones.

"Like I said, _Hermosa_, we have all done things to survive, to protect those we care about. You're no monster. We all have our demons to battle. No one should ever have to battle them alone." She felt his warm fingers press against her for a brief second before he left her alone. She stood at the dock, watching the river flow past. She felt right now that her life was like the river. For so long she flowed quietly without a ripple in the surface, afraid to make any waves. Then when she thought herself brave and strong her life transformed into the rapids, crashing over the rocks furiously, dangerously. Where the current would take her next she did not know but she was certain in the fact her life would flow freely from here on out.


	3. A New Flow

**Author's Note: Thank you so much for the continued support! I know stories that don't generally have the usual couples don't get a lot of hits, so I'm pleasantly surprised to see people are sticking with it. I promise it will be worth it and for true Carylers, there's definitely stuff coming for you. **

**I hope everyone has a safe and happy holiday. I hope it's full of good cheer, good people and goo spirits. I promise in between cooking I will upload another chapter tomorrow. **

**XOXO Pamela**

**3. A New Flow**

Three months had passed and Carol's role in the group came naturally. There were few women in the camp. Alisha, a former Army private who had been stationed with Mitch reminded Carol so much of Maggie. She was tough as nails and had amazing sharp shooting skills. There was another woman, Lilly and her sister, Tara, that came to the camp a few weeks before Carol arrived with Lilly's daughter, Megan in tow. Lilly was a nurse and the camp was glad to have her there. Tara and Alisha had formed a hot and heavy relationship right away and they shared a cabin while Lilly and Megan shared one next door to Carol. Megan was one of three children in camp and Carol took to them immediately. She started her storytime again daily and Alisha assisted her with survival skills and weapons training. Carol also took over main duties as camp cook and everyone agreed she was an expert at making do with whatever they had.

Pete and Mitch were the main hunter gatherers of the camp and the forest near the RV area had an abundance of game Carol hadn't seen since the quarry. Carol wasn't totally surprised when she and Pete formed a strong bond. He reminded her so much of Daryl and it helped her heal her broken heart to have the young man's friendship. He insisted on teaching her how to hunt and track. He was impressed at how quiet she could be. She refrained from telling him it was from years of abuse from her marriage to Ed. She learned the more quiet she was, the less apt he was to notice her. Pete was quite smitten with her and Carol loved to tease him mercilessly about their age difference. Pete wasn't immune to her charms and they spent a good deal of time together. Whenever he would come back from a hunt, he would plunk his kills down in front of her like a boastful predator. Mitch was not happy with their bond and the naughty thought crossed Carol's mind to threaten to slit his throat in his sleep like she did a certain other bad influence. But Mitch, much like Merle, loved his brother and his loyalty outweighed any apathy he had towards Carol. They formed a strained but respectful understanding.

For as much as Carol enjoyed the playful but innocent banter she had with Pete, there was one man in camp that made her face flush and heart race. She internally berated herself for feeling this way towards the camp's leader, but he was so open, so charming, she couldn't help herself. Caesar desired her counsel on a daily basis and picked her brain about what they could improve on at the camp. He had been impressed at how she had jumped in and taken the reins of the domestic issues and the training for the children. They spent hours on end together, talking, laughing, enjoying each other's presence. She never thought she could feel like a woman, like a wanted woman. The thing between her and Daryl always seemed to be on the cusp of something. She knew he had deep feelings for her but she never knew if they were anything more than platonic. She, on the other hand, had been quite sure on her feelings for the younger Dixon. She had been in love. Utterly and irrationally in love. Two years with him as her closest companion and best friend had rendered her devoted to him. When she was banished by Rick, she grieved for the unrequited love she lost. She tried not think about Daryl much. It still gave her physical pain to think about him, about the rest of them. But she knew she was moving on. She knew it because what she started to feel for Caesar was something unexpected but something real.

They spent many a day sitting on the dock, sometimes just watching the crystal water flow over the pebbled river bed. Sometimes they talked so much Carol was hoarse the next day. That particular day Caesar had brought a couple of bottle of beer with him. They sat side by side, bare feet dangling in the cool water. Carol had confided in Caesar about Sophia weeks ago, about the farm and losing her. He in turn had talked to her about the family he lost. That evening Carol was telling Caesar about trying to teach Sophia how to fish in that exact river and how she ended up with a scar on her behind from the fish hook that got imbedded in there.

"You should show me that scar, _Corazon_, I can't seem to picture it well in my mind. I need a visual aid." Caesar joked, pulling at the waistband of her pants playfully.

Carol swatted his hand. "If I'm going to show you my ass, I'm going to need more than just a couple of bottles of beer." When she met his eyes, the look he shot her was anything but playful. His finger traced the side of her face and Carol closed her eyes to the overwhelming sensation.

"What do you need?" His finger trailed to her neck and she moaned at the sensation. She felt his breath on her lips and she opened her eyes and he was there, eyes burning with want.

"I need you." She whispered and closed the gap and pressed her soft mouth to his. Their first kiss was soft and sweet and he cupped her face with both his hands as he deepened it. She felt like she had fallen into the water below them and was floating. The feeling was incredible. She never thought she would ever experience anything like this again. All of her suppressed desires bubbled to the surface and she moved to straddle him, pressing her need against his own. There was only a sliver of moonlight so anyone that came nearby could not make out the two figures that slowly stripped on the dock and the heavy breaths and soft moans of their coupling mixed with the sounds of the river flowing steadily by.


	4. Waiting for the Thaw

**Author's Note: Okay, I'm trying to be nice about this but I am really pissed and frustrated. First off, I am a huge CARYL SHIPPER. They are my OTP. But my story is a CAROL story with CARTINEZ as the main pairing. DARYL is also a main character. You will see in future chapters he and Carol have major interaction. So as a main character, he is tagged in my story. People are angry about this. I assume they are hardcore Daryl fangirls that can't imagine that Carol would choose someone other than super special shiny unicorn Daryl. I happen to think differently for the purposes of MY STORY. GET IT? MY STORY. Sending me guest reviews to cuss me out and demand I take Daryl off the tag will make be do the exact opposite. How dumbed down do I need to make it to make it absolutely crystal clear this is a CARTINEZ main pairing with CARYL interaction? I tagged it that way. I wrote it out in the summary. If you can't take 2 seconds to absorb that into your brain nothing I do will help you. So get this straight, I will not do anything someone anonymously demands me to, whether you are a fellow Caryl shipper or not. A true Caryl shipper would not act like a giant baby having a tantrum. I would be happy to respond to you if you sent me a message but you don't have the courtesy to sign in. So, do me a favor and don't read ANY of my stories, Caryl or not. **

**To everyone else that has been kind and still following this story, you don't know how much I appreciate it. Please keep giving me feedback because I'm exhausted from all the negativity I've been getting. I am still going strong and am on chapter 10. And you might just get a surprise at the end, you never know. **

**I hope you had a wonderful holiday with your family. I'm still sitting in my pj's so I call it a good day!**

**XOXO Pamela**

**4. Waiting for the Thaw**

Winter had passed through the camp, bringing with it a bitter, bone chilling cold. No one did much work or ventured out and an eerie silence overtook the little community. Usually the sounds of the river lent a background noise to their daily life, a soundtrack of sorts for them. Once the river froze over, its symphony ceased and the silence became overwhelming for Carol. She and Caesar now lived as a full-fledged couple and she had moved into his cabin. She spent many mornings sitting on the back porch, bundled in as many layers as possible, drinking weak instant coffee and silently willing the ice to thaw just so she could hear the river speak to her again.

The first night she and Caesar became lovers, Carol knew she had never felt like anything like she felt with him. It was so different from the naïve love she had had for Ed that turned into a self imposed prison. It was also nothing like the unrequited love she had felt for Daryl. With Daryl her heart was safe because she had all the aspects of a committed relationship with him without the messy sex and all the drama that came with being coupled in the Zombie Apocalypse. They were each other's person and for the most part, it had been enough for her. She had thought she could live without the physical aspect of intimacy.

She had been so wrong. Sex with Caesar was fiery and so intense he sometimes made her forget her name as she climaxed. She never had thought herself as someone who would be comfortable with her naked form and the things you could do with it, but he was the best of teachers in the sensual arts. They had attempted to keep living separately but every night she was either in his bed or he was in hers. After less than a month, he asked her to live with him permanently as his lover and partner. They couldn't get enough of each other and she seemed to lose all her inhibitions. They had been caught more than once, _in flagrante delicto_, by Pete, who told them they were dirty fuckers that scarred him for life.

Her feelings of love for him just snuck up on her. They had been basking in the afterglow of a particularly intense lovemaking session and she had looked at him, sweaty and brown eyes glittering at her with such affection. She couldn't stop herself and she leaned in to kiss him and told him she loved him. His reaction was to push her back down, mount her again and as he came inside her, he moaned out his love for his _Corazon._ She became the official "first lady" of the camp and that's how she found herself that winter morning, sitting in her favorite chair, staring out onto the icy water.

The back screen door creaked open and Pete joined her on the porch, plopping down next to her in a rickety chair. "Out here trying to get the ice to thaw with the power of your mind? You do this every damn morning." He swiped her coffee cup and stole a sip.

"The thaw's coming. I can feel it. If you're looking for Caesar, he's gone off with your brother this morning. He thinks he might have found a place with some medical supplies. We're running low on bandages and antibiotic cream." Carol finally noticed he had taken her cup and smacked his hand, laughing.

"Yeah, they asked if I wanted to go but it's just too damn cold for my liking. Besides, somebody needed to stay here and keep you out of trouble. You tend to go rogue when you have too much time on your hands." His face grew red as he realized how his words may have come across. "Sorry, you know I like to stick my foot in my mouth."

She rubbed his shoulder. "Honey, don't ever apologize. Do you see me clutching my pearls? It's actually frighteningly accurate." She leaned over and kissed his cheek and then leaned her head on his shoulder. They sat in companionable silence, gazing out on the ice covered water.

They were startled out of their contemplation by the sounds of shouting off towards the front of the camp. Carol distinctly heard Mitch's livid cursing but didn't recognize the other angry tones right off the bat. She stood up, grabbing her gun off the table.

"No!" Pete spat. "Go around to Lilly's cabin and you stay there until one of us comes and gets you. Now if you hear gunfire, we're going to need the cavalry. Get everyone prepped." His mouth was set in a grim line. "Remember what I said about going rogue?"

She touched his arm as she swept off the porch. "Don't be too long. I only can control myself for so long." She carefully ran towards Lilly's cabin, slipping occasionally on patches of ice. Lilly was peeking outside her door and flung it open to let Carol inside.

"Did you see anything?" Carol asked, panting and wincing as she rolled her ankle on the way over.

"It looks like a group came back with Caesar and Mitch. Men, women, a boy. They look really pissed off. Where's Pete?" Lilly shooed Megan away from the door.

"He was with me and went to go find out what's going on. He said for us to stay put here unless shit hits the fan. Where's your gun?" Carol asked her. Lilly pulled a revolver out of her waistband.

Carol could see the figures in the distance, one man pacing around behind a truck. Her eyesight wasn't what it used to be so they were pretty indistinct. A figure was approaching and when it came into focus, Carol recognized Pete. She walked out onto the steps to meet him.

He had a troubled look on his face. "Seems like Mitch and Caesar met up with these folks in town. From what I gather they know Caesar from the last group he was with. I guess there's some bad blood. His old group attacked their group, people died on both sides. But they're half-starved and some are hurt. Jefe is offering them the RV camp but it's real tense right now. Their leader is ranting about some Governor."

Carol felt her knees go out from under her and didn't even feel Pete grabbing her and setting her on the steps. She could hear him frantically talking to her, but it was muffled by the roaring in her ears. Was Caesar part of the Governor's group? Was that what he always referenced when he talked about his demons? Was he part of the group that attacked the prison, killed Axel, Merle and Andrea? The tears fell unbidden and she felt more than saw Lilly at her other side, holding her and murmuring words of comfort. She felt her meager stomach contents threatening to come up. She was suddenly lifted off the ground into Pete's arms and was brought into Lilly's cabin and set on her couch. She was having a full blown panic attack and Pete sat on the couch sideways with her propped up in his arms. He was rubbing circles in her back while Lilly was trying to get her to sip on some water.

It took close to five minutes for her to calm down. When she swiveled her head to Pete, he looked absolutely terrified. Her heart burst with the knowledge of how much he cared for her, worried for her. She tried to smile reassuringly at him. "I'm okay. My old group, we had run-ins with the man called the Governor. He killed my friend, Andrea. He tried to kill us and take our home. My best friend there, Daryl, his brother was also murdered by him. He looked high and low for any trace and he just seemed to disappear. It's just a name I never thought I'd hear again." She stood up quickly but Pete jumped up with her, grasping her waist to hold her still. "I have to talk to Caesar and find out what the hell is going on. If he used to be with the Governor…" She trailed off and felt the tears form again.

"I promised Jefe you would stay here until he got them settled. I have a feeling he's going to want to talk to you one on one. He's real upset. He told them he left him after the Governor killed his own people. You know Caesar, Carol, better than anyone. He's not like that Governor guy. Not the guy that saved me from a biter taking a chunk out of me before he even knew my name. Not the guy that gave you a home when you had no one else and nowhere to go. We both owe him a chance to explain." He lifted her chin and caught her eyes. "I'm gonna head back out there and help them get settled over in the RVs. It's too cold for all this pissing and moaning." He kissed her forehead and headed for the door.

Carol called out to him before he went through the doorway. "You said they were hurt and had a kid with them. Did they say where they came from? Why they were out on the road?"

Pete shrugged. "They said they had been on the road for months after that Governor guy attacked the compound they were living at. If you can believe it, they were holed up in a prison. It's fucking ingenious." He didn't even turn to see the frozen look of shock on her face as he bounded down the steps and out towards the people she had once called family.


	5. Ebb and Flow

**Author's Note: I hope you are sufficiently recovering from all your holiday festivities. We are getting to the juicy bits and the inevitable Caryl confrontation is coming. Right now, she's got to confront Rick first. Show Rick still pisses me off and I feel like I want to make things right in my world but not just yet. Our girl has built up alot of walls and she keeps them well fortified. **

**Thank you for the kind reviews and welcome to my new followers. I have a troll that just keeps sending anon hate but I just keep deleting. If you truly are a Caryl shipper, you should be ashamed of yourself. Personal attacks against me just make you look like a fool. You sure seem to expend a lot of energy on a story you think is terrible. Why don't you go hug a puppy or hump a Daryl Dixon action figure? Maybe you'll be inspired to be kinder or just maybe get a life. I'd feel sorry for you if you weren't so pathetic. **

**Sorry for the continued ranting. I'm just over the anon hate being sent my way.**

**XOXO Pamela**

**5. Ebb and Flow**

Carol started to move to follow Pete but Lilly stopped her. "He told us to stay here. You need to sit back down, you're still shaking."

"That's my former group, Lilly." She said it flatly. Lilly's eyes grew wide with understanding. Carol made a point to let everyone in the group know what she had done. She didn't want any lies and couldn't keep the burden buried. They had been shocked and surprisingly compassionate . It had taken Lilly the longest to come around. She had lost her father to cancer right before finding the camp and as a nurse, she could not condone Carol's actions. It was only through Carol's tireless dedication to Megan and the other children that Lilly had come to be one of Carol's best friends in camp. Their relationship was not like it was with Andrea or Lori, but they had a bond built out of women who had lost a lot but grew strong despite their struggles.

Lilly asked her if Carol wanted her to come and Carol refused. "I need to be there for Caesar. I'm afraid some members of my group will try to hurt him." She hugged Lilly and headed back to her and Caesar's cabin. The standoff seemed to be close to it and she could observe what was going on without being seen. She couldn't handle facing them. She struggled over the months to put all thoughts about their whereabouts out of her mind. They were no longer her family. They were ripped from her by Rick and her own choices. She could have fought him, she could have headed straight back to the prison and pled her case. But the words he spat at her, the coldness in his eyes, she just shut down. It was just like Ed all over again. All those months fighting to survive, becoming stronger, evolving into a woman she never thought she could be, it didn't matter. With just a few carefully chosen words and actions all her growth ebbed away and she was that abused, beaten down, insecure woman standing by the side of a locked car.

She went through the back door and crept up to the front window and hid herself in the shadows by the window. From her vantage point, Caesar was directly in front of her, flanked by both Pete and Mitch. Talking heatedly with Caesar was Rick. Carol was stunned at how haggard he looked. He looked like a walking nervous breakdown. His hair was shaggier, greasy and unkempt and his beard was completely grey. Her heart hurt to see her friend and former leader looking like that. Like he had the weight of the world on his shoulders. A few feet behind him she saw Carl, looking intense and tapping his gun on his hip nervously. She could also see Maggie, Michonne, Sasha, Bob and Tyreese. Oh God, Tyreese. He looked almost as bad as Rick. The whole group looked like they had been put through the wringer. How bad had it gotten for them? What horrors did they see?

Something caught her eye to the left of the group. She felt like she couldn't breathe. It was HIM. He was pacing back and forth like a caged animal, his crossbow clutched in his hand. Pete seemed to have his full attention and Carol could sense Pete was concerned about what Daryl was capable of. She wished she could call out to him at that moment. Or even go out there and soothe Daryl. She knew Daryl was raging because of Merle. Merle's death had devastated the younger Dixon and even though he never really spoke of it except a couple of times when they were alone together, his death haunted Daryl. Having Caesar there as a living, breathing reminder of what the Governor had done to his brother was eating at him.

She wasn't sure what the strongest emotion she felt at the moment was. Shock at her lover's confession that he used to be with the Governor, anxiety at seeing Rick and Tyreese and all that meant for her, or was it longing to let Daryl know she was alive, that she was there? She had missed him so much, missed his friendship, missed all the quiet moments they had enjoyed together for so long. The open wound she had thought had long scarred over ripped open with deadly force and she was overcome with those long suppressed feelings.

Daryl moved to Rick's side and whispered something in his ear. Rick nodded and spoke to Caesar. She couldn't hear what they were saying but she felt better now that the yelling had ceased. She jumped when Rick and Caesar turned to head into the cabin. She stumbled back into the bedroom and pulled the door in front of her. The footsteps became louder and then they were in the main area.

Caesar spoke first. "Look, man, I can give you enough supplies for a few days and let you have one of the RVs. I just cannot have you stay here. I can't keep one eye open every night waiting for one of your people to murder me and my people in our sleep. I ain't like Phillip. I left his ass the night he murdered my friends. I have a new life, a woman. These people out in that camp are _mi familia_ and I won't put them in danger."

"We've been on the road for months. The woman, Michonne, is injured and needs proper medical treatment. She has a wound that's infected. We are starving. My son is starving. We just need a week to try to rest and heal. You have my word no harm will come to anyone in your camp, yourself included." Rick's voice was hoarse and pleading. It hurt Carol's heart to hear him begging like that, even after everything.

"No. I'm not negotiating with you. I'll make sure the nurse we have here checks out the injured and gives her what she can. Then you're out of here. That Legolas asshole out there looks like he's going to split my face open with an arrow. That's Merle's brother, man. No way, no how." She knew that tone he was using. It was firm and unyielding. He was going to kick them out. Her feet moved before her brain did.

"I'll vouch for them." She was surprised her voice didn't crack. She stepped around the bedroom door and walked into the room. Rick stumbled back into the table, his eyes wide and wild. "Hello, Rick." She faced Caesar whose expression was similar to Rick's. "Those people out there are part of my former group. They are good and honest people. If they say they won't harm us, I believe them. We need to let them stay for a while. They are in no condition to go back out into the unknown. It's freezing, they're half-starved and we have the room. I won't have their deaths on my conscience." Her look conveyed a million messages to Caesar. He nodded in understanding.

"What my _mujer_ says goes around here. You got yourself a week. My men out there will take you to the RV area. There are enough there that each of you can sleep in one by yourself. You can keep your weapons. We rarely get walkers but I won't disarm people just in case. I'm putting my ass on the line here, _hombre_, you better not fuck this up." He stepped towards the door expecting Rick to follow.

Rick seemed frozen to his spot. He was staring at Carol and his eyes were wet with tears. "Carol." His voice sounded so broken. "You're alive. You're okay. Thank God. Daryl will be so…"

"Stop!" Carol interrupted him sharply. "I don't want to hear anything you have to say. I'm vouching for you because there are innocent people, people I loved that look like they are about to drop dead. I owe you nothing." She took a deep breath, recalling the faces that were missing. "Where are the rest of them, Rick? Where are my girls?"

Caesar's head tilted towards her and he placed a reassuring hand on the small of her back. She noticed Rick's eyes zone in on that little action. He raised them back to her and straightened his posture like he was steeling himself. Her stomach was in knots. "The Governor attacked the prison. He obviously had a new group, mercenaries. They had a tank. They killed Hershel, the girls, Judith, everyone. They killed everyone. Glenn died from the flu the next day. Beth couldn't cope with losing Hershel and Judith. She killed herself soon after. We're the only ones left." A tear rolled down his cheek and Carol was hit with the sudden flash to go hit him. He promised her he would take care of those girls. She walked away and they died. She couldn't save them just like she couldn't save her daughter.

"God damn you, Rick. You sent me away and now they're dead. I made a promise to their father I would PROTECT them! I killed two people to try to protect them and you tossed me aside and now those girls are dead. When did it happen?" She was shaking with anger and Caesar was now getting agitated. He always freaked out when she got upset. It was quickly becoming a volatile situation again. Caesar looked like he was going to hit Rick himself.

Rick put his hands out, placating them. "The very next day. Daryl's group just got back with the meds and the Governor took Michonne and Hershel hostage. We tried to negotiate but he killed Hershel in front of Beth and Maggie and all hell broke loose. The girls were killed by falling debris from the tank. They were trying to protect Judith. They all died." He looked like he was trying very hard to keep himself together.

Carol covered her face with her hands, trying to steady her breathing. She felt like another panic attack was oncoming. She wiped her face and looked up, fixing her stare at him. "You and your group are to stay in the area where the campers are. It's safe, quiet, and right on the edge of the forest. The hunting would be decent for Daryl even this time of year." She took a breath before continuing. "You are not to tell anyone in your group I am here. This camp is my family now. They ALL know what I have done. I am not hiding anything. I am no longer your concern. My ties to you died in that street in that neighborhood almost a year ago. I won't let you die but I'll be damned if you swoop in here and ruin my life again. I don't want any of you near me or MY family. If you break that promise I will personally throw you out on your ass." Her voice was cold. There was no room for argument.

Rick lowered his head and didn't speak for a moment. He didn't look up as he began talking. "This is not how I imagined our reunion to go. You don't want any of them to know?" She shook her head, her mouth set in a thin line. "Alright. If there is any way I can make this right between us. Just know I would take everything back. Carol, I was wrong, I was so wrong. We're broken, HE'S broken." Caesar glanced at her again, his brows furrowing.

"It doesn't matter now. Like I said, I'm not your concern. Please just get Michonne to Lilly's so she can get treated. Then go to the camp and you and only you may come back here for anything your group needs." She touched Caesar's arm. "I'm going to stay here while they get settled. I don't want any of them to see me. The man whose girlfriend I killed is out there."

Rick spoke up. "Carol, Tyreese is not going to be angry. Can I just talk to you alone? Let me bring Daryl in here. He needs to know you're here."

"Rick, I'm not telling you again. No one but you is to know I'm here. I don't want to talk to you. I can't even look at you." She turned away from him. Caesar walked up behind her.

"_Corazon_, I'm sorry I didn't tell you about Phillip. Promise me we'll talk all this out once I get them out of here, okay?" He kissed her forehead. "I love you so much."

She leaned into his kiss and grasped his hand. "Yes, we need to talk. You know I love you. I know your heart and you know mine. Thank you for backing me up in this."

He gave her one of his blazing smiles. "You've got me wrapped around your little finger. Stay here and I'll just have Mitch and Pete take them over. I'll be right back."

She didn't turn around until she heard their retreating footsteps. Once the door closed, she sunk down onto the floor and finally let her grief flow over her.


	6. Eddy

**Author's Note: I love you guys! The support, messages, reviews and follows have really warmed my heart. I promise I will make it worth your reading pleasure. The next few chapters were painful for me to write. I cried, I deleted, I wrote some more, deleted some more and settled on things. If you like angst, you're in for a real treat. There be rough waters ahead...**

**As always, reviews inspire me! I love hearing your feedback. You people are fabulous! I want to give a special shout out to AtoIzzard for being my beta. Her feedback has been instrumental in keeping this story in check. Love you! Go read her 10 Things Caryl drabbles. They are perfection.**

**XOXO Pamela**

**6. Eddy**

Her head rested against the couch as she sat on the floor, the tears flowing silently. She grieved for Hershel, the kind man who taught her so much, who loved them all as his own children. She grieved for Glenn, her wonderful, funny friend she knew from the very beginning. She grieved for Beth, the sweet, quiet child who had endured so much. She grieved for Judith, Lori's beautiful baby, unjustly taken away by the cruelty of this world. She grieved for Lizzie and Mika the most. In the short time she had known those girls, she had come to love them. They were smart, sassy and full of life. She failed them. She failed their dad. She was so angry at Rick, her anger swirling around in her grief like a whirlpool, sucking her down into despair. She stayed where she was, slowly coming down from her sorrow.

She got up and walked toward the window, peeking out from behind the plaid curtain. She saw Rick in front of his group, speaking to them. Pete was next to him and when Rick finished, all of the group save for Rick, Daryl and Michonne followed Pete out of her sight. She saw Lilly walk up to Michonne and then they disappeared, presumably to head towards Lilly's cabin so she could take a look at the swordswoman's injury.

She saw Rick and Daryl face each other, talking. Daryl seemed to have calmed down a lot from earlier and his crossbow was now strapped to his back. She smiled to herself when she saw he was still clad in that leather angel wing vest. It was like a second skin to him. She had been the only one he had let touch it to clean it. She wondered if he had Maggie clean it now. Rick had his back to her so she couldn't see his expression. Daryl listened and then said something to Rick. The former sheriff shook his head and Daryl's shoulders sank and he dropped his head. She wondered what Rick had said to him to cause such a sorrowful reaction. Then Rick glanced very quickly back to the cabin and it hit her what he might have been discussing. She knew then Rick had kept his word and had not mentioned her. Rick faced Daryl once again and put a reassuring hand on his shoulder before heading off to follow the rest of the group.

She waited for Daryl to follow but he didn't move. He stood there, looking at the ground, shifting his crossbow on his shoulder. He reached into his vest and pulled something out, holding it in his hand and staring at it. She couldn't see what it was but she willed him to just move away.

Caesar came into her line of vision and he was heading back to the cabin. He passed Daryl and headed up the stairs. Daryl raised his head and took a few steps toward the cabin, calling out to Caesar. He was standing in front of the door now. He turned to face Daryl and they were now close enough to hear their conversation.

Caesar spoke first and his words surprised Carol. "Look, _cabron_, I'm sorry about Merle. He was an ass but he was my friend. When he ambushed us I had no idea what Phillip had done. You know Merle always talked about you. The sweet baby brother. He was always looking for you, whenever we'd come across a group or go on a run. This world shits on us sometimes. Takes away what we love." Caesar lit a cigarette and then offered one to Daryl, who accepted it.

Daryl was now on the steps leading to their cabin. He was so close. She could see his hair was even longer and looked like it hadn't seen soap in a long time. His scruffy beard was speckled with even more salt and pepper color and he had dark circles under his eyes. He was skinny, not lean and firm like he used to be, but skinny like he hadn't had a decent meal in weeks. His face and clothes were dirty. He looked so tired, so worn down. She wanted to shoo him to a camper so he could get some decent sleep. She moved from the window to the shadows by the screen door so she could see and hear them clearly.

"Yeah, I'm fucking tired of losing everything. Merle was a tough sumbitch and he went out fighting. Just like I thought his dumbass would." He shifted again on his feet and reached his hand out to show Caesar what was clutched in his palm. "I'm lookin' for someone. One of our group. She got separated from us right before the Governor attacked. I was hoping maybe you might have come across her. She's been gone a long time but she's a fighter. She's still out there, I know it. I'm just trying to bring her home." In his fingers was a wrinkled and worn photograph. Carol covered her mouth to stifle the sound that desperately clawed up her throat.

The picture was of a moment she remembered clearly. It was taken in the prison yard as she and Daryl discussed breaches in the fences. Glenn had procured an instant camera and had gleefully run around snapping pictures of the group. She knew the photo had been taken but never saw it herself. In the picture she could she herself in profile, her arms folded, biting her lip as she was studying the buildup of walkers by tower three. It was the other person in the photo with her that stunned her. Daryl had slung his arm over her after she had teased him about the newer members of the group fawning over his rock star status. He had bumped her shoulder and put his arm over her for just a moment. He was looking at her as she stood there unaware. The raw emotion captured on his face took her breath away. She'd never seen him look at her the way he was in that photo. He looked like a man staring at the woman he loved. Her heart broke all over again.

She could see Caesar take the photo but she couldn't see his face. Daryl was chewing on the side of his mouth, nervously watching Caesar. It was tensely quiet and then she noticed him turn his head ever so slightly towards the door before letting out a heavy sigh. "Sorry, man. I can't help you. Why are you looking so hard for someone that's been gone so long? She your woman?"

Daryl spoke softly. "She's family. She was there and then one day she was just gone. I ain't never gonna stop looking for her." He took the picture from Caesar looking at it one more time before folding it and tucking it back into the safety of his vest. "If it's okay I'm gonna ask your people in camp. Maybe they saw her somewhere. Maybe I can get a lead to where she might've been or might've been heading."

Carol didn't know what to do. If he went to anyone in the camp and showed her picture he would know she was here. She prayed Caesar refused him. Her prayer went unanswered.

"_Corazon_?" His voice sounded resigned and she finally saw his face as he turned toward the door. "I know you're there. I think you need to talk to him." He walked right up to the screen door and he could now see her in the shadows. "I'm going to go make sure our new guests have what they need. Take all the time you need and I'll see you later." He made no move to open the door, to touch her or kiss her. He turned back to Daryl, who looked baffled. "There's someone I think you'd like to meet." With that he swiftly walked down the steps and headed off, not looking back.

Carol grasped the handle and pulled the door open, the hinges creaking loudly. She stepped out of the shadows and faced the man who had possessed so much of her heart for so long. "Daryl." It was the only word her brain seemed to be able to form.

The expression on his face went from baffled to completely dazed. They stood there, marveling at each other until Daryl finally found his voice. "I'm not dreaming, right?" He choked out. "You really here?"

"I'm really here, Daryl. I'm safe." As soon as those words left her mouth she found herself wrapped up into Daryl's strong arms. The swirling, dizzying feeling of being caught in a whirpool consumed her again. He was embracing her tightly, his face buried in the crook of her neck. One hand went to the back of her head and she felt his fingers tangle in her hair.

"You're really here. You're real. I found you. Thank you God, I found you." It was then she felt the first drop of his hot tears hit her skin.


	7. Down the Falls

**Author's Note: Thanks for reading and reviewing. I told you it would hurt. We'll get through it together, lol. These next two chapters are the penultimate ones for Caryl and their relationship. They were so difficult for me to write as a Caryl shipper. I hope you don't feel it's OOC for Carol to react this way with him. Just remember how we as the viewer felt when Rick banished Carol. Just imagine how heartbreaking it would be to lose everyone you love and to think they didn't want you. That's why I felt it was important for Carol to move forward with her life. Don't hate me! **

**Don't forget to drop me some feedback if you can! The story is finished so I'll be posting a chapter a day until it's done!**

**XOXO Pamela**

**7. Down the Falls**

She wasn't sure how long they stood there, wrapped up in each other on her front porch where everyone could see. Daryl was trembling and she was having a difficult time bringing herself to let him go for fear he might collapse at her feet. She shushed him, rubbing circles on his back as he clung to her. Then she got goosebumps when she felt dry, chapped lips brushing against her neck. That was all the motivation she needed to jerk herself away from him.

She took two steps back, her heels hitting the doorjamb. "Daryl, come inside. It's freezing and you need to sit down before you collapse. I need to get you some food and something hot to drink." She tried to move to go inside the cabin but he grasped her wrist.

He didn't say anything but his hand slid from her wrist to her own hand. It was as if he was desperate to maintain some physical contact with her. She sighed and pulled him inside with her and led him to the kitchen. Once they reached the stove, she tried to pull her hand away but he just held it tighter, shaking his head.

"Just let me make you something really quickly. I'm not going anywhere, I promise." She squeezed his hand reassuringly and felt the pressure subside, allowing her to break their touch. She went to work, boiling hot water and pouring some into a mug. She then dropped a chicken bouillon cube into it. Then she took another mug and made some weak instant coffee to go along with it.

Daryl was leaning against the counter, studying her movements. "Here you are, fussing over me already." His voice was gravelly and she wondered if it was from stress or his heavy smoking habit. She handed him the mug with the broth in it while she worked on the coffee, preparing another cup for herself.

"Old habits die hard, I guess." She smiled at him. She handed him his coffee. "Want to sit on the couch with me?" He nodded and followed her to the sofa. His knees creaked when he sat down.

"The cold's really seeping into my bones." He huffed. He had a thin jacket on and Carol snatched the fleece throw off the back of the couch and covered him with it. He smirked, "Gonna tuck me in and tell me a bedtime story?" His fingers began brushing the sleeve of her sweater. He had never been so tactile with her but now it seemed he couldn't keep his hands off of her. She figured he was reassuring himself she was not a hallucination. "Tastes good," he said, indicating the broth. "It's been a while since I've had hot food. You sure got a nice set up here." He looked around the cabin, taking in the personal touches she had added, like a framed drawing of the river Megan had made for her one time and wooden carvings Pete had whittled for her. "It's cozy, like a real home." His expression darkened when he saw a pair of Caesar's boots by the door. His fingers froze on her arm.

She chose not to mince words. He had a right to know about her relationship with Caesar, especially with the new revelations from today. "This is my cabin… and Caesar's." His hand dropped away. "When Rick kicked me out, I had no plans, nowhere to go. I came here because I used to bring Sophia here. I knew there were cabins, water, possible safety. When I got here, Caesar's group occupied this area. They didn't know me from Adam but they gave me shelter and a new start. I told them exactly what I did and they didn't turn me away. They embraced me."

He stood up quickly, clenching his fists. "He embraced you 'cause he's a fucking murderer! How could you stay here knowing what he did, who he was with? Did you hate us so much? Hate me so much?"

She stood up and faced him. "I had no idea he had been with the Governor until this morning when you showed up! You don't know him like I know him. He's a good man, a leader, a protector. He would never do anything to hurt me or anyone in the camp." She pointed her finger at him angrily.

"Yeah, you know him alright. You know him so well you didn't even know what he was doing before he made his happy little home here. Why didn't you just go to one of the places we had set up for emergencies? I was coming for you. Why didn't you just wait for me?" He spat at her.

"I was kicked out, Daryl. Rick told me no one would want me back there after they found out what I did. He said Tyreese would kill me and I don't know if he would have stopped him." She felt physical pain at the sight of Daryl looking so anguished. "Everything I loved was ripped away from me. Everyone I fought for would have looked at me and all they would have seen would have been a killer. My only regret was not taking those girls and saying goodbye to you. It wasn't fair. It wasn't fair for those girls to think I abandoned them only to die because I wasn't there to protect them." She began crying again, her grief morphing into righteous anger. "Rick promised me he would care for them. He lied. I walked away because I thought they would be safe. I will never forgive myself for not going back there and taking them with me. If I had, they would be here and out of harm's way." She wiped the tears with her sleeve and continued, "I was taken in the very first night. I had a roof over my head, food in my belly, a bed to sleep in. From the very beginning! That is why this is my family and why I love Caesar with all my heart!"

He stepped back like she had slapped him. His face contorted into a tortured grimace. "You LOVE him? Well, I am the biggest goddamn fool on the planet. Here I am, thinking I finally get back the woman I love only to find out she's sleeping with the asshole that helped kill my brother! I spent every possible moment looking for you. Every walker I killed I made sure it wasn't you I was putting down. Every place I went I searched for signs of you. Every person I saw I pulled out that fucking picture and asked them if they saw hide or hair of you! And you'd already moved on and forgot about me. You had a man warming your bed so l can just go fuck myself." He kicked one of the dining table chairs over. He then braced his arms on the table and sunk his head down between them, shaking.

Carol had trouble forming words after hearing his declaration of love. She felt sick to her stomach, out of guilt and of sorrow. How many nights had she lain awake, dreaming of him saying those words to her? She had cried herself to sleep in her tiny prison cell too many times to count. She selfishly wished he had never walked back into her life, making her face those painful emotions she had mourned for so long. He was right, she had moved on. She had gone through the grieving process for him and her love for him. If she hadn't she didn't think she would have survived. She always scoffed at the idea that a person could die from a broken heart but those weeks after she was banished, she thought she might. She never confided in Caesar, Pete or Lilly about her feelings about Daryl. She dared not say his name, it was agony. But the relationships she formed in her new camp helped her heal the cracks in her heart.

She thought about the day she had stopped being stagnant in her despair over losing Daryl. She had been taking a walk down by the small waterfall that was about a mile south of the camp, on the edges of the park. It had been several weeks since arriving at the camp and she felt content. She was contributing. Teaching the kids, cooking, going on supply runs, learning to hunt and track with Pete and spending most of her time with Caesar. As she walked along the bank, a flash of white among all the green caught her eye. She felt a lump in her throat as she recognized it. A Cherokee rose, blooming bright and big by the banks of the river. She pinched the velvety petal with her fingers, much like the day before her whole world was turned upside down. She remembered Daryl, in his sleeveless flannel shirt, holding that beer bottle and chewing on his lip. She remembered the beautiful story he told to uplift her spirits. He had been her champion for so long. But now she was her own champion. She plucked the flower and walked to the water's edge. She pressed a kiss to the rose before tossing it into the river, her eyes glassy with tears as she watched the flower swiftly float to the edge and down the falls, out of sight.

She was ripped out of her reverie by the sound of Daryl shifting the table as he rose. He walked up to her, into her space and the intensity of her look unsettled her. The next thing she knew his lips were on hers, hot and bruising in their intensity as he kissed her for the very first time.


	8. Dammed

**Author's Note: Thank you all for the continued support! It's like getting a basket of puppies nestled in flowers delivered to my inbox every day! This chapter is one I prefer to liken to taking off a bandaid. You gotta rip it off quick so the pain is over fast. It's not going to be pretty and try not to hate me. But this Carol, the one dumped by the family she loved, has finally realized she deserves happiness and can't sit around waiting for someone else to finally get hit by lightning to figure it out. But, a little pain makes it that much sweeter at the end. And even though I initially said this was not a Caryl ever after, NEVER count a Dixon out. **

**Please review me! And I will absolutely post guest reviews as long as they are polite and don't go off on some tangent about how I am writing Carol completely wrong and how Rick and Daryl are just victims to the evil Carol. No matter is you dress it up in a long winded paragraphs with your own biased spin. And I definitely will not give you the benefit of the doubt if you then slam fellow reviewers and disparage them. If you are so desperate for a good non Caryl/Carol story, honey, feel free to write your own. I expend alot of my time to this and if you can do better, have at it. Good luck to you.**

**Anywhoooo, thanks again to those who really come to read this with good intentions.**

**XOXO Pamela**

**8. Dammed**

His hands held her face to his and he kissed her like she had always imagined he would. For a second she let herself get swept up into it, heat rushing to all parts of her body. He moaned against her mouth and that was enough to motivate her to stop it from going any further. She pushed back from him and when he tried to pull her back in for another kiss, she grabbed his hands to halt him. "Daryl, we can't do this. I just told you I am with Caesar. I am committed to him."

The look in his eyes was feral. He leaned into her and she put both of her hands onto his chest. She felt more than heard the growl the rumbled through him. "You still love me. I can feel it. What we have just doesn't disappear 'cause you want it to. You can tell yourself you are happy with your sweet little set up you got here but it's always been you and me. You need to come back to where you belong." He brushed his nose against hers, his mouth parting as he whispered those words to her.

She stepped back so he couldn't kiss her again. Every emotion she had bottled up inside her burst forth like water breaching a dam. "No. That's where you're wrong. I was in love with you so much it almost killed me when I left you. I had to let you go so I could survive. And not just survive, so I could LIVE. I will always love you, you are a part of me that I never want to lose. But I love Caesar, I'm in love with him. We have made a wonderful life together and he makes me happy. I never knew what real happiness with a man that didn't beat it out of me or one that was too afraid to let me love him was. There was never going to be an 'us', Daryl. You were too frightened to let me in and I just couldn't put myself out there with you. Lori asked me once why I didn't just throw you into a cell and have my way with you and I told her because I deserved to have someone come to me and pursue me. I lived most of my adult life with a man that told me I would never be good enough, pretty enough, smart enough for anyone but him. All those moments you and I were together, alone, not once did you seem like you wanted to move beyond what we had. And I was fine with it. I thought I could just be happy to have you in my life, caring for me just a little bit more than the others. But, you know what? It's so much better to have someone who tells me every day he loves me. Tells me how much he wants me and how he can't live without me. That's what I deserve. That's what I have here." She was breathless by the time she finished.

Daryl was silent for a moment, his face pained and his chest heaving. When he spoke, his voice was soft and sad. "I guess this is my ultimate punishment for not making an honest woman out of you long ago. I didn't think I had to declare myself to you, I made it pretty obvious it was you and only you."

"Daryl, you barely touched me. How was I supposed to know how you felt when it didn't seem you even knew yourself? I burned every time I was near you. I didn't just want your friendship. I wanted you. I wanted to kiss you, touch you, stroke you, make love to you." She was full of resentment. He comes in like a knight on a crusade, searching for her for so long and now admitting his feelings. It was too little too late.

"I wanted all of that, too. I would go to sleep imagining you were there and I was touching you. I could feel your skin under my fingertips. I could taste you as I traced every freckle on your body with my tongue. I could feel myself inside of you. You consumed me. Losing you made me realize I could never go another night without you next to me, in my bed." Daryl squeezed his eyes shut and when he opened them, she could see he was holding back tears. "Please let me love you the way you deserve. If you can't be around Rick, we can leave. Go anywhere you want. We've come across talk that's there's a large settlement that has its own government north of here. You and I can start over, together. I've looked for you for so long, please don't make me walk away from you now that I've found you. I love you, Carol." He didn't hold back the tears then.

Carol's vision became blurry for a second and she realized she was crying, too. "I'm so sorry. You'll never know how truly sorry I am." She walked up to him and briefly touched her lips to his.

"Please, don't say it. Don't say it." He shook his head and then pressed his forehead to hers, tears falling faster.

She put her hand over his heart. "Daryl Dixon, you have the biggest heart I know. Don't hold yourself back from finding love because of a ghost. Don't let me haunt you. Grab the happiness that I know is out there waiting for you." Her fingers pressed into the fabric of his shirt. "You are a man of honor and I will always carry you in my heart. But my place is here. My heart is here, my family. Your family is waiting for you out there." She pulled her hand back and moved away from him.

He fixed his gaze on her, his eyes still watery, cheeks glistening with his shed tears. He backed away and grabbed his crossbow from where he set it by the door and turned to walk out. He didn't face her as he spoke. "You'll always be my family. You'll always be the one I love. Ain't nothing in this whole damn world that can change that. Michonne told me that love is one soul inhabiting two bodies. She said that quote always reminded her of you and me. She said you and I are soulmates. I'll be damned to love you forever." He opened the door and walked out of the cabin, down the steps and out of her life.


	9. Stream

**Author's Note: Thank you so much for getting through pulling that bandaid off. Like I said, the muses seem to veer me from my anticipated course and do not count Daryl Dixon out of the equation yet. But just know, Carol isn't just using Martinez as a placeholder for Daryl. This is a man that treats her like an equal and has always been open and affectionate with her. There are no pretenses, no confusion, he's what you see is what you get. Carol truly loves him because he has never given her reason to doubt his affection for her. As someone that lived with abuse for so long and then fell in love with the most emotionally handicapped man in the Zombie Apocalypse, Carol needs someone who has the capability to love her in every way she deserves. You will see in this chapter, these two are very much on equal footing.**

**There are just a few more chapters after this and I'm excited to see your reaction after each one. Please keep giving me the great feedback, it's so appreciated. **

**XOXO Pamela**

**9. Stream**

"How long have you been standing there?" She asked shakily, wiping her tears off of her face.

"Long enough to watch you come face to face with one of those pesky demons of yours." Caesar answered. He walked up behind her from the back door where he had entered. He stepped up and stood next to her, his shoulder brushing hers. "That was quite a dramatic scene. I don't think little Merle will be darkening our door anytime soon."

"That demon is as much yours is as it is mine. Were you ever going to tell me about _Phillip_?" She sneered as that monster's name crossed her lips. "He killed people I cared about. He almost killed me. He blew the brains out of the man standing next to me in the prison yard the first time he attacked. I had to use his body to shield myself from bullets you and your people were raining down on me. Do you remember that?" She moved to stand in front of him, her earlier sadness of Daryl's departure being replaced by a ferocious rage at finally confronting Caesar about his association with the Governor.

He had the good sense to look ashamed. "I was blindly following orders to a man I had trusted for a long time. He took me in and gave me a home in Woodbury after I watched my entire family get torn apart by biters. None of us knew what a psycho he was until it was too late. Until Andrea and Merle. Until he wiped out his own people on the side of a road. Shump and I left him that night." Carol knew of Shumpert. He and Martinez has helped set up the camp at Spreewell Bluffs. He had said Shump had been haunted by things and became careless. He ended up getting bit in front of Martinez one day on a routine supply run and Caesar had to put him down. "I should've put a bullet in his head before we left. Saved everyone a lot of grief."

"Yes, you should have. Those people would still have a home and people I had cared about would still be alive. My girls would be alive." She tried to rein back her anger as she realized she never went into depth with anyone about her life at the prison. Sure, people knew the basics. She killed two of her group to try to stop the spread of a now known lethal disease, she had been a leader there and she had a little girl and husband that died before that. It was like her time at the prison became something that was forbidden for her to talk about. It was such a painful memory that she just erased it from her life. Like she had told Rick that awful day, it was somebody else's slideshow.

She needed to tell Caesar the terrible truth. "I became the guardian of two girls at the prison after their father died. He was killed by other group members that had died from the illness and turned during the night. I promised him I would care for them like they were my own. I killed Karen and David to make sure those girls and the rest of my group were safe. It didn't work and Rick kicked me out. I had to walk away from them. As you now know, they died because the Governor attacked the prison again. Maybe if someone had done what I did, take out the threat, Lizzie and Mika would still be alive. My friends would still be alive."

Caesar's eyes flashed with anger. "Seems like killing those two people did nothing but get your ass kicked out. Maybe if you hadn't turned into an angel of mercy you'd have been at the prison to take care of those girls like you had promised. Maybe they would still be alive." His last word was punctuated with the sound of Carol's hand hitting his cheek.

"Don't you dare." She hissed at him, pulling her hand back, shocked that she had hit him.

"Don't get all righteous with me, since you neglected to tell me you had Sir Galahad searching all over this great state looking for his _amor eterno_. You told me your husband died way before you found your way here. That you had been alone since then. How long were you fucking Merle's baby brother?" He rubbed the reddening mark on his cheek, nostrils flaring.

"Daryl and I were only friends." He snorted and rolled his eyes at her retort. "I did love him but he never once made a move beyond friendship. Today was the first time I ever heard him say he loved me like that. I don't know why you're so pissed. I told him I am with you, in love with you. You just watched him walk out the door because I told him you were my family. Don't question my loyalties, Caesar." She walked to the kitchen and dumped out the contents of the mugs, momentarily hypnotized as she watched the liquid swirl down the drain in a black stream.

"You want to know all my dirty little secrets? Yes, I was pretty much a lackey to a crazy fucker that kept his dead daughter as a walker and had us kill anyone he deemed a threat to his perfect little town. He kept walkers like animals and me, Merle and others would put on a show like gladiators, fighting them in front of everyone. We attacked the prison because he had us all fooled that your people were trying to come in and take the town. I was fooled right up until he turned on my friends and blew them all away. Why he didn't kill me or Shump, I have no clue. As soon as we snapped out of it, we left him. Not a day goes by that I didn't wish one of us had just killed him. Not a day." He walked up to the kitchen island, bracing himself on it. "Now that I laid all of my cards on the table, I want you to answer something for me. Now that they are here, HE's here, are you going to wake up one morning and decide you miss your old life? He made a pretty convincing argument about taking off with him. I just want some warning before you disappear out of my life forever." The bravado was gone, standing in front of her was the vulnerable face he rarely displayed. The face he would share with her during their intimate moments. The face she had grown to love so fiercely.

She shook her head. "I'm not going to leave you. What I said to him was the truth. I love you and I love our life together. You, Pete, Lilly, the kids, this camp is my family. I'm not going to leave my family ever again." She walked around the island to hug him. She wrapped her arms around his waist but he didn't react at first, keeping his hands at his sides. When the tears began to stream down her face she felt him flinch. One hand hesitantly came around to rest on the small of her back and when she whispered, "Please, Caesar. Don't push me away. I love you," the other encircled her to grasp her to him tightly. Her face pressed against his chest and she cried as he whispered words in Spanish to comfort her, like he always did when she was upset.

"_No llores, Corazon. Siempre vamos a estar juntos. Te amo_." She let the words float over her like a warm blanket, not quite sure of their meaning, but secure in the knowledge that she was safe and she was loved.

***The Spanish translates to "Don't cry, my beloved (my heart). We are going to be together forever. I love you."**


	10. Flood

**Author's Note: I love you guys! The reviews and support continue to amaze me. Just two more chapters after this and this story will be over. I'm watching TWD marathon right now so I'm being overwhelmed by how much I miss original recipe Daryl and just how far Carol has come from that simpering, abused woman. I'm glad that woman is dead and buried and we have the awesome, kickass Carol now.**

**Thank you again for all the reviews and this chapter is kind of a bridge to the next emotional chapter. **

**XOXO Pamela**

**10. Flood**

The one week Caesar gave the former prison group turned into six more. A nasty ice storm slammed Georgia and there was no possible way the group could venture out into that weather. Caesar allowed them to stay until spring started to worm its way back into their world. Green grass sprouted from the browned ground, the temperature became milder and the thaw Carol had so anticipated finally came. The soothing symphony of the river once again could be enjoyed.

Rick respected Carol's wishes and the group never came to the main camp area, except for Rick to get supplies or to talk to Caesar or Pete. Pete became the main go between for the two groups. Caesar's presence was too volatile and Carol still refused to let anyone but Rick and Daryl know of her existence. Pete volunteered to help the prison group with whatever they needed and he seemed to spend more and more time over there. It became apparent to Carol that someone in that camp had caught the young hunter's fancy. She wasn't sure who it was, though. She never asked and whenever Pete would try to bring them up into conversation, she made sure to change the subject in a subtle way.

She and Caesar's relationship had been strained for a couple of weeks after their arrival. She was not happy with the group's continued presence. She became petulant and surly at times and her anger would be set off at the smallest of issues. They had some particularly nasty spats and Caesar had actually left and moved into Carol's old cabin for a few days. The loneliness and heartache at him leaving had her going over there one night in just a shirt and nothing else. She lost the shirt as soon as she entered the cabin and slid into bed with him. Once he realized she was there, begging him to forgive her displaced anger, they spent the night and most of the next day making up. He told her that she needed to face all of them or she would never be truly free. She balked at the suggestion but he told her to think about it and he would support whatever decision she made. They came to a fragile understanding and Caesar moved back home. Every so often, he would make the suggestion that she go see the other group but never truly pressed the issue.

Carol was sitting out on the back porch that morning while preparing new lesson plans for the children. She couldn't help but wonder if Carl was getting some semblance of an education. No matter what he had been through, he was still a boy and Lori had always ensured that he was given some schooling, even when they were on the open road. Carol doubted Rick had the mindset to put Carl's education as any sort of priority. She hoped Michonne or Daryl would try. They both had strong bonds with the teen and Daryl had always agreed with Carol and Lori's emphasis on education. He had been a driving force in her starting the story time with the children of the prison.

She was so caught up in her musings she didn't hear Pete approach and she jumped when he touched her shoulder. "Shit, you scared me!" She put a hand on her chest, her heart racing.

"Sorry, I sure didn't mean to. Working on some new lessons?" He said, peeking over her shoulder at the papers she had spread out.

"Yes, I've been inspired by the river thawing. I'm going to talk about the major rivers. First, in America and then the world." She had found an atlas and some geography books stashed in the storage area and had the atlas already bookmarked for the different lessons she planned.

"It's a good idea. No matter what happens in this world, sometimes kids need to be kids and have some sort of continued education. Can I sit?" He motioned to the chair next to her and she nodded. He sat and faced the river and they sat like that for a few minutes, listening to the sounds of the water. He was still watching the river as he began to speak again. "The other group is going to leave tomorrow. Seems like the redneck guy got confirmation of some kind of sanctuary that will take them in."

Carol wasn't prepared for the flood of emotion that hit her. She steadied her breathing before she spoke. "It's good that they found a place to go. We need to make sure they are allowed to take at least one camper and we can spare a car, too. Do you know if they have enough supplies?"

"Yeah, they've got everything they need. They're leaving at first light tomorrow." He sighed before resuming. "One wants to stay behind. And I'm asking you to let her stay. I've gotten to know her and she's a good person, she will be able to contribute. She's a fighter. She's got no one left. Her husband, father and sister died. I care about her, Carol, and I think she feels the same way about me."

So that's who it was. Maggie. Carol's heart still grieved for Glenn. He should still be alive, with the group, with the woman he loved. It was unfathomable that Maggie wouldn't always love Glenn but at this point, Carol was the last person who could judge. She wouldn't look at Pete for fear he'd be able to see everything she was feeling right now.

If Pete noticed anything but her silence, he didn't say so. "I know you have only met with a couple of them but I've gotten to know all of them. They're decent people. But they've seen and lost a lot. Maggie, that's her, was telling me about one person they lost, she said she was their first lady. Used to run things at the prison, was on some kind of council, taught the kids that were there. Turns out something happened there that killed some of the group. This woman, the first lady, did something to try to stop it. It didn't work and that Rick guy kicked her out. I guess she and the redneck had something going on so he had been looking for her since. Until they got here. She said he just stopped looking. She said the night they arrived here he and Rick got into a knock down drag out brawl. They haven't talked since and Daryl stopped looking for her and spent his time getting info on the sanctuary."

Carol lowered her head, the tears she thought dried up weeks ago blurring her vision. Her voice cracked as she spoke. "Pete. I can't"

He finally looked at her. "I think you need to. They all miss you. Most of them think you're still out there. Even the guy whose girlfriend you killed, he's helped with the search. They're confused about why the redneck just quit looking. I think you owe it to yourself and to them to get some closure. You'll regret it if you don't." His face was sympathetic and he leaned over and pulled her to him. "Don't add one more thing to that great big regret pile you've been accumulating. Don't forget I know you. I know how big your heart is and you still care about them. You really want them to walk out of your life again without saying goodbye? You've been given a second chance to say goodbye. Don't throw it away."

She held onto him as she silently cried. "I'm so tired of crying. The thought of seeing them tears me up inside. I'm so ashamed of what I did and I'm so angry that Rick didn't give me a chance to plead my case. I lost the chance to be there for the people I loved and they died. I don't know if I have the strength the face them."

He spoke into the top of her head so his voice was muffled. "You are the strongest person I know. I know you can do this. I'll be right there with you, Caesar too. Please. Just to say goodbye."

She held onto him for a moment while she willed herself to make the decision. "Okay," she breathed. "I need you to go back there and tell them I'm here and I want to see them. I'll have Caesar bring me down. If this doesn't work, you're going to need to start getting books on how to be a therapist, because I'm going to need some major counseling."

"That's my girl. I swear I'll keep Psychiatry for Dummies handy just in case." He disentangled himself from her and stood. "Give me an hour and then head down to the camp. It's a good thing they're leaving. That area is a flood zone and the water level is getting high down where they are. It's gonna be a bitch to move all those campers." He headed to the steps but then stopped. "One hour. Promise you'll be there?"

"I promise. You're right. I'll never forgive myself if I don't do it." He started down the steps and she called out to him once more. "Maggie is the luckiest of ladies, you know that?"

"Well, you never would accept any of my marriage proposals. Your loss is Maggie's gain." With his trademark Pete smirk, he trotted off toward the other camp and for the first time in weeks, Carol felt ready to really let go.


	11. Rapids

**Author's Note: Well, folks, this is the next to last chapter and the chapter where Carol finally faces her former family. It was a hard one to write and I hope you enjoy it. The last paragraph was very emotional for me and I hope it is for you, too. Only one more to go!**

**Thank you so much for sticking with this and leaving all your great reviews. I appreciate each and every one of you!**

**XOXO Pamela**

**11. Rapids**

Carol waited close to an hour, staring at the rapids that finally had seized their opportunity to burst through the ice and resume their frothing and surging. Once she felt truly ready she went out towards the center of camp to find Caesar. He was over by Mitch and Pete's cabin, talking with the older brother. She walked up to them and politely interrupted them. "Caesar, do you have some time for me? I'd like to go over to the other camp." Mitch raised an eyebrow at her but Caesar smiled softly.

"_Claro que sí, Corazon._ I'd be happy to take you over there." They said their goodbyes to Mitch and started to walk down the path towards her former family. "What brought this change on? I thought you were bound and determined to ignore their presence until they left."

"Pete figured it out, he's a smart kid. Told me I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I didn't get closure with them." She spun around to Caesar. "Did you know he has been getting involved with one of them?"

"And what would you have done had I told you? It's not fair of you to hold him back from happiness, that kid deserves love." He was brutally honest and she felt a surge of guilt for making their arrival all about her these past few weeks.

"Point taken. I sent him on ahead to prepare them. The less drama the better. They're leaving tomorrow." He nodded at her statement. "So the sanctuary place is real? Daryl mentioned it. What do you think? Is it something we should be looking into?"

"That's what Mitch and I were talking about. Mitch is going to go with them and see if we can set up some sort of relationship with the sanctuary. Maybe for trading, hard to find supplies. That way, if things go to shit here we have somewhere established to go." He lit a cigarette and inhaled deeply. "We're safe here. I think we could be here a long time if we wanted. Expand the community more, maybe let some families in. Pete and his new girl Maggie can be our guinea pigs. Have our first baby born here."

She halted her steps, causing him to stop with her. She plucked the cigarette out of his mouth and kissed him. "Have I told you lately how goddamn extraordinary you are?"

He pulled her close, grabbing one of her ass cheeks with his hand. "Maybe later you could show your appreciation and do that thing I've been talking about." He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

"Get me through this reunion in one piece and you've got a deal." She pecked his lips and peeled his hand off of her ass. "Oh no, there's no way I'm doing anything until I get this over with. You're taking my head out of the game, Caesar."

He pouted at her and snatched the cigarette back. "Come on then, champ. Let's do this." He held his hand out and she took it and entwined her fingers with his. They walked the rest of the way like that.

They arrived at the other camp a few minutes later. She rarely came to this area even when no one was staying here. It was in a larger area than the main camp and almost every campsite had an RV or a camper sitting in it. The campsites formed a sort of a cul de sac and in the middle was a grassy area that held the campfire. There was a fire going and she could see Tyreese and Sasha sitting on the log benches, cooking something on skewers.

Her steps faltered and Caesar turned to her. "You okay? I'm right here with you. You can do this." He didn't let go of her hand and waited for her to start walking again. She spied Pete standing by a camper with Maggie. She saw Carol first and her mouth gaped open. Pete looked to see what caught Maggie's attention and smiled at Carol. Maggie started jogging toward her which soon turned into a full on sprint and Carol barely had time to brace herself before she was attacked by the young woman.

Maggie clung to her, weeping. "I never thought I'd see you again. When Pete told me, I didn't believe him. I'm so happy to see you." She pulled back and her tearful face twisted into an agonizing grimace. "Do you know about Daddy? Beth? Glenn?" Carol nodded and Maggie buried her face into Carol's neck and sobbed openly. Carol wondered if Maggie had ever been able to truly grieve. She had lost her whole family in such a short period of time. "Glenn died and I didn't even get to say goodbye." Her strained voice was heartbreaking and Carol gave into her grief and stroked Maggie's brunette curls. She could feel the rapid fluttering of Maggie's heartbeat against her.

They stood there, two women who had loved and lost so much, who had known and loved each other so dearly, embracing and grieving for the ones they lost, together once more.

Carol opened her eyes and noticed they had gathered an audience. The first face she saw was Michonne's. Her eyes glassy as she observed Carol and Maggie. Sasha and Bob seemed more distant, their faces unemotional. She then saw Tyreese step into view and her body stiffened defensively. Maggie lifted her head and turned around. "Oh no, Carol. It's okay. Tyreese knows Karen would have died. Everyone who had the disease died. Nothing we did could cure it. You gave them a merciful death. That's more than I can say for Glenn." Tyreese nodded his head at her, his features soft.

Carol let go of Maggie and walked toward the big man. "I'm so sorry I lied. I'm so sorry I acted on my own. I didn't give you a chance to say goodbye and I can't forgive myself for denying you that."

He stepped forward and it took every ounce of courage in her body to not flinch or try to bolt. She stood frozen as he tentatively reached out and grasped her upper bicep. "I forgive you. It's good to have you back, Carol." He stunned her with his capacity to forgive. She could only whisper a meager "Thank you," as he let her go and moved back by his sister.

A flash of mahogany skin caught her eye. Michonne stepped up to her and enveloped her in a hug. Her voice was shaky and tearful. "You are a sight for sore eyes." She glanced at Caesar and lowered her voice. "So that's why he suddenly gave up the chase. He knows you're here." Carol nodded her head in the affirmative. "He's holed up in his camper. As soon as Pete told us you were coming he stormed back to his camper and has refused to come out. Rick's trying to lure him out now."

Carol kept her voice low as she responded. "He and I already had our big melodramatic reunion. I said things I don't think he can endure. Tell him I'm sorry I ever hurt him and I'm so grateful I had him in my life. He was my guardian angel, wings and all. Take care of him for me, please?" Her eyes met Michonne's and the warrior woman gave her a watery smile.

"Always. I wish you were coming with us but I understand. It'll take a while but one day he will understand, too. He's just a wounded animal right now who lost his mate. Sometimes you don't ever come back from that. But all of us will try our best. He's family. Dirty, smelly, uncouth family, but family all the same." They shared a giggle and parted.

As Michonne backed away, her retreating figure revealed a figure standing there, staring at her. "Oh, Carl, you've grown so much." Carol whispered, taking in the sight of the young man. He was taller than she remembered and had a hard look on his face. A look that said he saw too much in this world, endured too many sorrows. Suddenly the hard look crumbled and he became that little boy she met on the highway. He ran to her and they collapsed on the ground together. She could no longer hold anything back and the floodgates opened. Lori's precious boy was here in her arms. She wept openly and held him as her twisted his hands into her sweater, his body shaking. "Shhhh," she murmured, "it's okay. I'm here, I'm here and I missed you so much." She rocked him ever so slightly, her tears soaking into his long hair. They sat there in the middle of the camp, slumped on the ground, holding onto each other for dear life. "You know you can come visit me anytime you want. I've got this great place right on the river and there's a fishing dock. Heck, we've even got a fishing boat. It'll be like old times." This was the hardest for her, saying goodbye to the boy that straddled the line to manhood for far too long.

She heard footsteps and then a shadow cast over them. She looked up, squinting, and met the haunted eyes of Rick. She was reluctant to let Carl go so Rick crouched down next to them and the next thing she realized he was holding them both. His cheek was pressed against the top of her head and his hand cupped her neck. The other was wrapped around Carl. She froze for a millisecond before letting out a breath and relaxing into his touch. She had missed this Rick. The Rick who loved her like a sister and she like a brother. His voice was ragged in her ear. "I want you to come with us. You will always be family. We need you with us. I miss you so much."

"I can't. You were right. I found a new group and a fresh start. It feels good and it was meant to be." She brought one hand up and felt the scruff of his beard. She felt his tears wet her fingertips.

"I can't get Daryl to come out. I feel awful that he won't even come say goodbye to you." He leaned his face into her touch.

"He and I have had enough goodbyes for a lifetime. I don't think either one of us could survive another one." She answered truthfully. She knew they couldn't handle a public parting. Too much had been said, hearts exposed and raw.

She had a difficult time letting both of them go. Letting them go meant one step closer to them being out of her life again. She mustered every bit of strength and willpower she had and unwound herself from the two Grimes men and stood up, dusting herself off from the dirt she accumulated. They slowly stood up alongside her and Rick kept his hand on her shoulder. She looked around at everyone and swallowed the lump in her throat. "Forgive me for not having the courage to come see you sooner. Knowing you all were here and not being able to face you was wrong of me. You deserved to know the truth and I deserved a goodbye. I love you all and I wish you well. If the sanctuary doesn't work out you will always have a home and a friend here." She looked out toward the campers, seeking the one face she wanted to see one last time. She caught movement in one of the windows of a lone camper. She could make out a shadowed figure watching. She raised her hand and waved to him and couldn't stop herself from crying once again.

She said her goodbyes and Caesar put his arm around her as they walked away from the people she had lived with and loved for so long back to the ones who loved and respected her now. The shadow never moved from the window, waiting and watching her until she was just a speck in the distance and even then stayed until darkness fell upon the camp.

Caesar held her all night while she cried, finally letting it all out. He had plans to leave at first light to check the snares while Mitch followed the group to the sanctuary. Carol was still in bed, sleeping restlessly as the morning light filled the bedroom. She felt his weight sink down into the mattress next to her, his fingers grazing her face and then through her hair. She started to awaken from her slumber as he pressed his lips softly to hers. Her brain too drowsy to notice the obvious differences in his touch, in his smell, the scruffy beard as it rubbed against her cheek. She hummed sleepily and started to reach out to him but he slipped from her grasp, her fingers barely brushing his smooth leather vest. As her mind stumbled out of the world between dreaming and consciousness her body stretched and hers fingers touched something. She sat up as she realized what the object was. In her hand was the well-worn photograph. When she turned it over, two words were written on the back that caused her heart to squeeze so painfully she thought she would fall dead to the agony of the feeling. "One soul."


	12. The River's Edge

**Author's Note: Here it is! The end of this story. Thank you so much for being open minded about pairing Carol with someone so different. I wanted to bring back Martinez and give him some happiness. He seemed like deep down he was a good guy that just got lost along the way. I hope I gave the ending justice. The ending was always Carol finding happiness and I think she deserves it more than anyone on that show. Please let me know what you thought about how things wrapped up for our girl. **

**My love for Carol knows no end and my next story will focus on Merle/Carol. Hopefully, you guys come along with me for that wild ride!**

**Thank you again to everyone who traveled down the river with me. I hope your new year is full of happiness and hope. **

**XOXO Pamela **

**12. The River's Edge**

Three years passed by slowly and steadily, like the river as it meandered its way through the Georgia countryside. Maggie ingratiated herself into the group like a duck to water. Her heart, having a tremendous capacity to love, found happiness once more with Pete. They fell in love and were now the proud parents of nearly two year old, Joshua. He had bright emerald eyes and chestnut curls and Carol loved him dearly. He clearly had a preference for his Auntie Carol and they spent many days in and around the river, catching fish and swimming in the warmer months. Carol was always more than happy to take the young toddler off of Pete and Maggie's hands so they could spend some quality time together as a couple.

Little Joshua was such a bright spot in Carol's life. She was alone once more. Caesar had been killed over half a year prior on a supply run by raiders. Pete and Mitch had brought back a mortally wounded Caesar to Carol and she was able to have her goodbye with the man she loved as he died safe and comfortable in their bed. His last words to her and been to live on and love well. At that moment, Carol had been pissed at him. As the life left him, she lashed out, angry words and curses spilling from her until she collapsed onto his chest, his body already bereft of its warmth. Pete had come in, eyes red, holding Caesar's favorite pistol. Carol had snarled at him, scratching his neck as he approached. It took Maggie's gentle embrace and soothing whispers to snap her out of it so they could end the possibility of his turning into the walking dead. As the sound of the gunshot echoed in the cabin, Carol grieved for Caesar, for the man who never judged her, gave her a home, acceptance and a new beginning.

She stood at the water's edge that late summer morning, watching Joshua as he tried to skip pebbles across the river. She had her jeans rolled up and the cooling water lapped around her ankles. His vocabulary was limited at his tender age but the two seemed to be able to communicate without words. He tugged on her shirt as he held out his wet hand, offering her one of his small stones.

"You want me to show you, baby? Here, watch this." She took aim and with a flick of the wrist, her rock skipped almost a half a dozen times across the water. Joshua squealed and stomped his tiny feet up and down in excitement. He then grabbed her hand and placed another stone in it. They repeated that more than a dozen times over, until Carol felt her arm start to ache. "Okay, Joshy, your turn now. My arm has an ouchie." His big eyes grew wide and he carefully reached out his little chubby hand and caressed her throwing arm. "Oh, thank you. I feel much better." She picked up a pebble for him. "Your throw, sweetpea." He bit his little lip in concentration as he aimed the pebble and threw it with all his wee might.

Without warning, the sound of Maggie hollering excitedly filled their ears. They both turned to see her waddling rapidly toward them. Her face was flush and her hair was falling from its ponytail. She cradled her seven month bump with her left hand while she flapped her hand at her son and Carol with her other. Her extraordinarily white teeth were gleaming as she grinned at them. "Hey baby!" She huffed out as she neared her son. "Are you having fun in the water with Auntie Carol?" Joshua nodded and toddled out of the water to hug his hugely pregnant mother. Maggie ran her fingers through his curls before addressing Carol, giving herself a moment to catch her breath. "Pete just got back from his trading run. Turns out he ended up meeting with some head people from the sanctuary. He was telling them about losing Caesar, how he was concerned that you were running yourself ragged, trying to deal with everything at the camp along with getting ready for the baby to come. One offered to come back with him and help ease the load a little so you could concentrate on helping Lilly get ready for Owen's arrival." She rubbed her belly lovingly. She was convinced it was another boy and blamed Pete's genetics for surrounding her with men.

Carol's teeth set on edge at Maggie's announcement. "I thought I was doing fine, Maggie. I don't really think we need a stranger coming in here and telling me what to do. Caesar and I ran the place just fine for over three years." She took a larger rock and chucked it hard. It sailed in the air and landed in the flowing water with a satisfying splash. She turned back to Maggie, scowling.

"Oh, stop with that face. Trust me, you'll like him." Maggie tilted her head towards her right, as a figure emerged from the trees.

Carol's heart stopped as she took in the sight in front of her. The hair was shorter and cleaner, the scruff trimmed, sleeves attached and pants that were free of holes. But it was the smile that did it. The slight upturn of the side of his mouth, right above his beauty mark. The smile he reserved just for her. Her vision blurred for a second as tears filled her eyes but she blinked them away so she could focus on him again. She could see Maggie's goofy smile as she also had tears running down her face. Maggie quietly took Joshua's hand and led them away from the reuniting couple.

"Hi." Great, she mentally berated herself, real smooth, Carol. She cleared her throat and tried again. "So, leader of the sanctuary? What would make you give up that sweet gig?"

Daryl walked closer to her until he was at the water's edge. She still stood barefoot in the river in front of him. He smirked, shrugged his shoulders and toed off his boots and cuffed his pants. He shuffled out into the water until he was so close to her she could feel his body heat. He lifted his index finger and traced her face from her eye to her chin. He then lifted her chin so their eyes met. "The only thing that would make me give it up is standing right in front of me."

She let out a shuddering breath as she lost herself in the intensity of her gaze. "I guess I should show you around your new home then, shouldn't I?" She held her hand out to him. He took it gently, sliding his fingers through hers. She led him out of the water and towards the camp. Behind them, the river flowed out and onward, its current always moving, always changing, never content to cease its murmurings to the world.

**Thank you for reading my story. I was inspired to write a story that focused on Carol and what struggles she might go through from being turned out from the only family she had left. I hope you were as inspired as I was by her journey. This quote by Aiden Chambers from _This is All: A Pillow Book of Cordelia Kenn_, was my main inspiration for this entire work. I hope all of you can plough a valley of your very own.**

**"I thought how lovely and how strange a river is. A river is a river, always there, and yet the water flowing through it is never the same water and is never still. It's always changing and is always on the move. And over time the river itself changes too. It widens and deepens as it rubs and scours, gnaws and kneads, eats and bores its way through the land. Even the greatest rivers- the Nile and the Ganges, the Yangtze and he Mississippi, the Amazon and the great grey-green greasy Limpopo all set about with fever trees-must have been no more than trickles and flickering streams before they grew into mighty rivers.**  
**Are people like that? I wondered. Am I like that? Always me, like the river itself, always flowing but always different, like the water flowing in the river, sometimes walking steadily along andante, sometimes surging over rapids furioso, sometimes meandering with hardly any visible movement tranquilo, lento, pianissimo, sometimes gurgling giacoso with pleasure, sometimes sparkling brillante in the sun, sometimes lacrimoso, sometimes appassionato, sometimes misterioso, sometimes pesante, sometimes legato, sometimes staccato, sometimes sospirando, sometimes vivace, and always, I hope, amoroso.**  
**Do I change like a river, widening and deepening, eddying back on myself sometimes, bursting my banks sometimes when there's too much water, too much life in me, and sometimes dried up from lack of rain? Will the I that is me grow and widen and deepen? Or will I stagnate and become an arid riverbed? Will I allow people to dam me up and confine me to wall so that I flow only where they want? Will I allow them to turn me into a canal to use for they own purposes? Or will I make sure I flow freely, coursing my way through the land and ploughing a valley of my own?"**


End file.
